Many people wonder what the qualities of a great peer support caregiver are. The best caregivers are people who have struggled and come out on the other side. They are the ones who don’t have all the answers but do have plenty of questions. They are the ones who remember what it felt like to be judged and are careful not to judge others. It is anyone who has a heart for other family members. We have all had struggles with the department, our loved ones, our own jobs, and life in general. Even though each of us has had different types of struggles, we know what it feels like to go through it alone and we don’t want others to do the same.
Many people have commented to me that they could never be a chaplain because they don’t know the right words to say or the answers to difficult questions. If that is holding you back from being a peer for someone, I have a revelation for you. I don’t always have the right words and I have no answers to difficult questions. Being a peer isn’t about fixing someone’s problems. It’s about listening and saying I’ve been where you are, I get it. It’s not about always getting it right. I can’t tell you how many of my own struggles I have resolved in an unhealthy manner or not resolved at all. No one expects you to have it all together. It reminds me of an episode of the show The West Wing where the boss tells his employee a story.
“This guy’s walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can’t get out.
“A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, ‘Hey you. Can you help me out?’ The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole, and moves on.
“Then a priest comes along, and the guy shouts up, ‘Father, I’m down in this hole can you help me out?’ The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole, and moves on.
“Then a friend walks by, ‘Hey, Joe, it’s me can you help me out?’ And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, ‘Are you stupid? Now we’re both down here.’ The friend says, ‘Yeah, but I’ve been down here before, and I know the way out.'”
Who is the ideal peer? It’s the person willing to jump in the hole and be with someone as they find their way out. An ideal peer doesn’t have to know everything going in, we will provide training and resources. We just need you to provide a caring heart that wants to help others find the way out.